Transformation

The other day I took a walk with a close friend. At the end of our time together I confessed something about myself that is really ugly. Like peach pit ugly. It was about an attitude towards someone in my life. My attitude is selfish and unloving and not kingdom bringing. Part of what prompted me to take a risk and admit this to my friend was remembering the admonition to “Confess your sins one to another . . .” in James. But while it was both embarrassing and freeing to share this ugliness, I was aware that part of me was even self-righteous. I realized that what I really wanted was not to obey this command. What I really wanted was for my friend to support me in my sin. To understand and commiserate, and agree with my feelings about this other person.

Later I was reflecting on our conversation and I went back and read the whole verse in James. It finishes “ . . . and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” It’s not just about confessing, and certainly not getting support for my sin. There’s a purpose and the purpose is healing from sin . . .  transformation into Christ-likeness. Now this sounds nice, but I’d much rather just appear holy by confessing (even something ugly), than actually going beyond that to do the hard work of changing. It’s a lot easier to work at image management than undergo true heart surgery. Jesus had strong words for people like me (and you?). In Matthew 23, He says “Woe to you . . . hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside are full of greed and self-indulgence . . . First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”

I started there with the Lord and said, “Help me to even want You to change my heart in this area please." Second, I took a hard look at the inside and acknowledged my own sin that others graciously forgive. Lastly, I feel like I need to ask my friend to pray for me too - that my heart would be changed and made like Jesus in this relationship. 

What about you? Can you relate? Is there sin that it’s hard for you to want to change? A relationship where you know your attitude needs to change, but you resist? Are you, like me, guilty of image management? Is it hard to look inside? What does confession look like in your life?

Laura Crosby serves as the Director of Spiritual Formation at The Table

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