I Am Not a Good Servant

We hear the term servant leadership a lot, but it’s not my favorite thing to talk about.

I am not a good servant. I try, but I recognize this is a growing edge. I am embarrassed to say it out loud – I’m selfish and addicted to comfort. 

So the other day was a test. 

My husband, John and I both love to mow the lawn. I know, a little unusual, but it’s true. However, I love to mow the back yard, which is flat and manageable. I’ve claimed that as MY job, leaving the front yard which is basically one steeeeep hill, for John.

One day recently, in an uncharacteristic rush of servant spirit, I mowed part of the front lawn (the easy small flat square at the top) in addition to my backyard. I felt kind of proud of myself. I had gone above and beyond! (and it really didn’t inconvenience me).

Then again last week I mowed the back and started on the front thinking I’d do a little more of the easy part. But as I mowed I was convicted. A little argument went on in my head:

Me: “John serves you in so many ways and you can’t do this one hill for him? This is bogus serving if you just do the easy part.”
Me: “Yes, but it’s really hard and I might pull my shoulder on the hill and then I wouldn’t be able to play golf with him and that wouldn’t make him happy.”
Me: “Serving is Jesus-y. How can you say you follow Him and not do this little thing?”
Me: “Yes, but John might not even notice and then I won’t get credit!”
Jesus: “Whatever you do for the least of these you do for Me.”
Me: “Yea, whatever . . .” (I didn’t mean to be rude to Jesus but I was hot and uncomfortable – just what I try to avoid.)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this and wondering if there was ever a time when Jesus served others when it wasn’t uncomfortable or inconvenient. 

What does servant leadership look like in your context? Talking less? Noticing and doing things that others don’t or won’t? Affirming others?

I’ve been wondering about what Jesus desires to do in us . . . form in me, through the discipline of serving in ways that often make me feel crabby. I’ve been thinking too about the value of secret service when no one knows, or notices, and you don’t get any attention or “Atta girl!” And I’m wondering if it’s in those moments that all of heaven cheers the loudest.

Laura Crosby serves as Director of Spiritual Formation for The Table at CPC

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